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my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Randomize
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