My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize