Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
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I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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