Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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