video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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