Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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