Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
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Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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