well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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