btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize