drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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