Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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