Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
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Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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