I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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