i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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