I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize