Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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