So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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