I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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