This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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