I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize