DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
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He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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