So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize