But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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