32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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