I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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