Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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