His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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