Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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