I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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