I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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