i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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