If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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