I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize