it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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