I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
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I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just want nice things and good sex
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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