i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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