no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize