WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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