Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
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alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
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yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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