just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize