I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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