dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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