how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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