I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my liver is dry heaving
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize