just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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