yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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