I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize