how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
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Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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