just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
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As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
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You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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