his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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